a better day
today was better. no matter how much i feel like i hate my boyfriend i always admit -to myself and to him- that i do love him, when we finally get to be together. i always feel better when he’s around. i feel good because tonight i was able to eat a full meal: korean pork barbecue and rice, and even a chocolate and cereal dessert. i just feel better. i hope that when we do tell our parents, they can understand and let us stay together.
i’m eating rocky road ice cream for my snack right now and boy does it taste great or what!
7 weeks
My morning sickness has improved, but is definitely still there. It no longer wakes me up during my sleep and I don’t feel it strongly immediately upon waking up, but it’s there. I prayed to God that he give me a break. and I got it.
I’ve been getting asthma attacks after a recent cold and I’m going back to the doctor this week. I keep having vivid, pointless dreams. I’m trying not to worry too much. I can’t wait to get another ultrasound- to know that the baby is fine, to see it. I can’t wait, wish time would pass more quickly these days.
I watched Atonement by myself tonight, and like all other love stories that I like, this one made me lonely.
a visit to the doctor’s
i went to the clinic today. talked to different doctor, one who was pregnant herself and i kinda like her better than the other one. she gave me her personal number in case i experienced any bleeding. it also turns out that i have a urinary tract infection, which surprised me ‘coz i hadn’t felt any of the symptoms, unlike the first time i had an infection. i’m to retake my blood and urine test, hopefully get an ultrasound tomorrow, and come back next week.
when i got home i read the time traveler’s wife, and i wish i hadn’t. i didn’t like it. and it made me sad. it also made me think about what could go wrong. as if i don’t do enough thinking and worrying.
Findings
I’ve been reading a lot lately about morning sickness and pregnancy and trying to find my own way to cope. It’s different for everyone, so you have to find out what works for you. I’ve realized that my nausea or morning sickness becomes extreme when I let myself get very hungry. An example is getting up in the morning without having eaten anything before going to sleep, or immediately upon waking up. I always have crackers by my bedside for that, then I have some breakfast. The other day we decided to eat at home instead of eating out only to find out dinner wouldn’t be ready for a while. Even crackers weren’t enough for that and it made me dry retch. I often feel faint and dizzy too, but I find that staying still can alleviate this, and not reading a book. A hot water bottle or a warm hand rubbed against the tummy is a big comfort for me. And I’m nearly always sucking on candy.
I asked a friend from work, who already has 2 small children, about this, and specifically how she handled morning sickness at work. See, we work in customer service- we’re on the phones all day, a 7 1/2 hour shift, and a night shift too. I just called in sick yesterday and I’m afraid I might get fired already due to my absences, but I just can’t imagine doing that all night while feeling this way. Just the thought of having to continuously open my mouth and swallow my saliva already makes me feel sick. I just called a mobile phone company a while ago here from home, and I felt nauseous during most of the conversation, even if it wasn’t a lengthy one, and at one point I felt like I really might throw up.
So my friend said, what she did was take a leave from work for a week or so, during which she figured out what food she liked, ate a full or partial meal of that, and always kept her stomach just full enough so the morning sickness wouldn’t fully hit her. She said that she mastered the cravings and the sickness first before she went back to work, and assured me of course that morning sickness will eventually pass.
I’ve already made a list of food I really like at this point and which makes me feel better, which consists of:
ice water, fruit cocktail, mashed potatoes from kfc, grilled boneless bbq chicken from Reyes Barbecue, the 3 korean meals from Kimchi, corn, plain bread and crackers, strawberry yogurt, small brownies, and crunch chocolate.
my list is kinda weird. I’m craving right now for some cheese, and potato chips.
oh and almost forgot to add, I found instructions on the inner gate pressure point for helping with morning sickness. It’s on the inner side of the forearm, 2 1/2 finger widths from the wrist crease. this actually works for me, makes me sleepy too.
Trouble
I work at a call center. Passed my resignation about a month ago coz I couldn’t take it anymore. I have 5 more days of work but I called in sick today, and I really am sick- morning sickness all day long, for about 4 days now. I really hate this feeling. I had absolutely no idea morning sickness could last all day and this long. Well I guess it’s morning sickness. Maybe it’s hyperacidity, I experience it often. I still won’t consider myself pregnant ’til I get that ultrasound. I know that the three home pregnancy tests I took all turned out positive but still! I’m going back to the doctor this week for the interpretation of my blood and urine test, for that ultrasound, and to ask for meds for my nausea. It’s terrible I tell you. My boyfriend thought I was just being a diva coz I didn’t start feeling this way ’til after we went to the doctor, but I told him he better believe me. I got really worked up and told him I wouldn’t act like this for anything. I already felt wretched enough and he was making me feel even worse. I told him I wished he were the one who felt like throwing up any minute and salivate and spit all day. What a jerk. He made up for it though but I’m still paranoid that he thinks I’m just making this stuff up.
I’m 23 with not much in savings and I just quit my job. I’m not retracting my resignation because I can’t even imagine continuing with it. Our shift starts at 2 AM which is not even the part that sucks, it’s just the job itself. It really stresses me out and makes me feel sick, and after a year and a half in the industry I finally decided to quit. With the baby that might be coming though, I need a source of relatively high income, and fast. And the only possible way to do that is by going back to the call center industry. Shit. I need insurance too. I’ll know what to do. Just have to think it over.
These past few days though I’ve been imagining what my mother would say once I tell her. I keep picturing her saying such cold things to me about money. It makes me cry.
So weepy and confused right now. This really sucks. I keep questioning if I’m ready to be a mother already.
